I feel loved.

If any of you out there are somewhat human such as me( or at least sometimes so)you need love affection etc;and for a guy like me its hard to admit to, and on the other hand some people are hard to love and no matter what you say have something dispairaging to say about your compliment( but that I will address later ,back to me)it's that feeling you get when someone takes the time to be affectionate,spend a evening with you ,or just cuddle and tell you your loved.I guess funny enough that is the thing that scares me the most: asking for love, I have done many things in my life that I am not proud of ;but I was never scared .some of you may chuckle ,snicker etc but I tell you it is the most terrifying thing to ask.You put your heart in anothers hand trusting them with your need for love . and god bless those who do, they are saints and most precious of people .there can be no friend like the one who will love you in spite of,and no matter what .The feeling and relief that love and affection brings is priceless and too often we(I) do without because of pride,or the fear of being hurt,or that that person will no longer be your friend or companion.mostly I guess the fear of rejection is what I fear the most and altough very real it also is the risk and reward.so that in all to say don't be scared, step out hope for the best and prepare for........ well whatever comes but you could be missing out on something wonderful so have faith and enjoy the beauty that comes from a heart of love.and to those of you out there who have it by you,love someone who needs it today , you could save thier souls,brighten thier hearts and make thier life for the lord that much better.

A prayer of thanks.

Oh my love I thank You, for the times when I think all is lost; because then I understand that only You can light my way. Thank You for the times I am lonely, so that I may learn more the treasure of Your love. Thank You for the times I feel ugly, for then I trully appreciate Your beauty that shines through. Thank You for my times of affliction , that I may learn the gift of the stripes whereby I am healed. I thank You for the times when I am discouraged and at the end of my rope, because then I can learn to praise You more. Thank You for the battles, because they make me strong. Thank You for the anguish and trials of the soul, for then I learn the value of a soft and tender soul made moldable by You. I thank You for the breakings, for then I am remade in Your likeness. I thank You for Your love, which carries me through each day; and I thank You for each morning a chance anew to serve, to give of myself blindly without care or greed.I ask only one thing my Lord and love, tis nothing for myself . I pray only that I may be called worthy to serve You, in the good times and bad; and at the end of the road to hear You say "My love you have made Me glad".

letter to my lover.

my dearest one , how the days seem as if to float by when you are near, the troubles trials and worries they seem as if to fade in difference to our love. when you are gone I feel as if I can't go on .I need and crave you so its as if I don't exsist with out you.Iknow sometimes when you are here I spend my time cleaning,trying to make everything perfect instead of just treasuring you the way I should.I tire my self out with chores, and good things, so that at the ned of the day I am too tired for you.I need you your touch ,your breath upon my skin,your caress ever so softly upon my thighs as I tremble in expectant delight. I need you so and yet I waste away those times when I could be with you;now as I stare out at the starry sky I see the twinkle of your eyes in every star and the moon seems to relect the soft warmth and gentle touch of your fingers upon my skin.the gentle breeze reminds me of how you envelope me in your kisses ,they are so full so satisfying,How I ever got along without I will never understand.my entire body cries out needing to be filled by you ,satisfied by you, and ravished by you.Not once in a patter of rhythm ,but endless ,continuous fufillment that only you know how to give.You know every inch of me, where I want to be touch , what satisfies me and what makes me wet with disire for you. only you can make me tremble with delight,scream because it feels so good that it hurts and explode with total and utter satisfaction that leaves me always wanting more.My every fantasy you know are explore ,it seems as if you know my mind and know just when and how I need to be taken. You are never dull never old ,your love is always new ,exciting,and adventurous,I can't wait to love you ;To see what you new excitement you have for me, and in all this all you ask is that I love you in return .My complete surrender to you ,and my willingness to love only you.I feel so unworthy of your love,its more than I could ever have dreamed of I pray only to be worthy of it . I cannot hope to repay you for this love you have for me,I only promise to love you as you should be fully ,in abandon and with the freedom and adventurousness you disire , I cannot do without you ,I would not ever want to.I only want too love you and be loved by you,satified again, again as only you can. I need and disire you above all else come my love and lets us love for eternity. Love always M.

prayer request.

If you all could please pray for marieane as she has been hit with a little relapse. pray for strength,against pain in her stomach and continued weight gain.we really do appreaciate all of your prayers as they are doing the miracle.Tx

I am a lumberjack!

Well this was my exercise for the day,If you want to lose weightsplit wood in 103 degree weather Its a sure fire program ha.And this is only one of 3 piles.God bless Andre who stacked as I choped.We got this wood from the electric company choping down 350 feet of trees to put in new electric lines.

memories

fun times past.
not really old but though I would add it.
ha michelle so young snicker.

question

when do'es the pursuit of looking fit or presentable become too much.and a detriment.and what is fit per se.

my treasure.

what can I say? he is just perfect in every way.I love you devin ,You are my blessing.

lake.etc

Look Ma ! I caught a fish.
Andre in a happy predicament.

the always purdy Tatiana enjoying the fire.

the joys of life.

every week we try to do something fun with the teens(young and old) and even though it is pulling teeth for pics here are some of our beautiful teens and ya's

ramblings of a soulful man

I know this may sound special or foreign to many of you, but in my case it is well its a too often occurance.well what are you talking about?you may say ; well I'll tell you .feeling alone. have you ever sat in a room and felt completely alone?well I have ,and let me tell you it's not fun ha.Im kinda the one where after a long time of knowing me you get to like me, eather I wear off on you or wear you down ha.anyhoo I have the lord so the rest is good , but this also means I usually have alot of time with my own thoughts, and today I was reading over the SGA seminar application form and on the bottom it says(pray and ask the lord if you should have dates at the seminar,and whats your guidelines etc) anyhoo I am sitting here thinking , ha snicker, no need ; it won't happen anyhoo ha.this may be a bit of a grim way to look at it but,honestly do you ever get the feeling when you talk to a attractive person and they say "oh I really judge how much I like a person on their personality",and you get the funny feeling personality means:18-23 ,single, really good looking and ripped,slim,purdy etc.so all of which I do not posses he he . so I content myself with knowing I am happy with the way the lord has me now(well I am working on the happiness)and be content to know that I will get to spend many evenings with my husband and lover.maybe I am just a little out of practice with the having close friends and affection thing,who can say , or maybe I am a little afraid of rejection who knows many reasons you could say for this and they may all be partially true. but at least for me ( and many may call me coward)that I see others and feel I don't measure up and don't want the embarrasment of the jokes I hear so many say behind my back when they think I can't hear. so I choose the less painful proceedure of being withdrawn,which has been good and bad. as it has taught me to be closer to the lord and lean more on his love, but at the same time feeling well......... wishfull of companionship for lack of a better term . and this being all encompassing, someone to talk to ,to have affection(not speaking of sex here)to understand and pray for you .to cuddle and love the lord with etc, do'es anyone else ever feel this way?I was boxing the other day and one of the ya girls in my home came out and read to me as I was boxing, and although its not quality word time. when someone takes the time to do something like that it means alot.more so than many other things because it shows friendship and a love for one another beyond sex or the flesh , but rather its the giving of a part of your life and to be there for someone. anyhow I am drifting but all to say I am thankful for the lord and those of my greater family who lay down their lives for each other to show love in every way each day.

a beautiful touch.

this go'es out to a special someone who ,even though she thinks she has touched no one has touch many,including me.she thinks she has nothing to give but her happiness and love for the lord and others lights up the room and our lives.she thinks she is not beautiful but the beauty and love of the lord and her physical presence is seen by all those around her.I pray that you will get to know her as I have then you will see the blessing it is to know her.and I want to say thanks for the friend and speacial person she is to me.i pray the lord grants you all your hearts disires and makes your every wish a reality.

happiness of life and love.

how many times have you felt down,hurt,struggling and then something happened.a loving word,a touch,love .I know that many times I have felt as if I was visting the"garden of gesemany "a little too often and the trials seemed to mount a little more every time.but the amazing thing that I have experienced is the miraculous love of the lord in those times.I have had a problem sleeping for a while now so my nights often are spent alone,in those times it seems the enemy fights the most,especialy when he knows you are at a low point or stressed .I was in such a state the other evening when,I just said "lord I need you " and the most beautiful thing happened: it was almost as if I felt the extasy and love of the lord wash through me.I had let go and he was able to work.now if you are like me letting go is hard to do,whether it be in a spiritual or mental state,I don't know why other that the inability or foolishness to just give over to our lover.altough the amazing thing is when we do the extasy,peace and love we recieve as a result are overwhelming, and we wonder why we did'nt do it earlier ha.recently I have been trying to make an effort to love the lord more in a intimate and expressive way.at first I had some hang-ups so I put the lord on the spot and told him I wanted that sign ,that wow feeling,and boy let me tell you be careful what you ask for,I was layind down listening to "expressions of extasy " and (if you have a wonderful imagination like me the lord can use it ha) suddenly I felt and could see my female spirit helper I have had for sometime,she kinda smiled at me and said'well I am your sign"wow wo ho you all say well it was all I can say is that the feeling of the love of the lord is greater and more satisfing than any other,but I drift it was almost as if i could see myself as the bride I yerned to be and understood that the love and feelings are the same,the male/female hang-ups mean nothing. The lord and intimacy of our husband is the essence; not the gender and if you get into the whys and wherefores of it you will miss out.anyhow I realized that that garden of gesemany could be the garden of intimate love that the lord speaks of if only I would yeild that little corner to him.I am far from perfect at this but I can say with certanty that as I let it become more of a habit and the more I enjoy it and the greater the extasies the lord brings. you will never be bored thats for sure.well I will end before I bore you ,so be happy in your life and love for the only one who will never disapoint.

sorry.

hey all you wonderful and sweet people out there.sorry for no posts lately but this week was spent driving ,ha figured out that this week I drove 1245 miles ,so tiredness is catching up with me ha.well I will post more soon lol and kisses to all.

change

have you ever had the feeling that no matter how you work to change ,that others still veiw you with the same feeling .Or that look that says oh your still here?or maybe you look a certain way , and thats how everyone sees or judges you? I especially am a good example of this so in answer I want to say I want to hear it all what people think or see about me and I will write back and tell you the answer or even my thoughts etc or likes ha.but especially I go through it with this in my witnessing etc, when people give you the once over ha,I was reading the art of war 4 yesterday and there was a neat thing in it about just saying so what ,so what if I don't look the greatest,so what if I can't speak the language perfectly,or have the most talents etc.the lord can still use me.and just go for it,I get caught up so much in the physical but the lord has said so many times "but if not" and its so true we are still his eyes his mouth and his body,so,so what I will keep going, don't let peoples opinions ordoubts drag you down because you will never please everyone and someone will always have something negative to say ,and I have to keep fighting if I had listened to everyone else I would have been gone long ago,and who knows what the future will bring.But until that day I am going to keep going no matter what,because I know that to give up is to die.drastic you say ,no its the truth I have seen and I will never go back.on this vein I want to say on a totaly different veinthat this kinda applies to alot of girls I know that they look in the mirror and the see the imperfections,while the rest of us see the beauty.they let little comments from afew shallow people ruin the lives.so when someone pays them a compliment their first reaction is" oh you are just saying that,or "thats not true" or some such remarkwhen they really are beautiful.confidence is a large part of a girl being sexy,if she is comfortable in her skin and with others and compliments she is sexy.some women dress to impress ,or to thier attributes and feminimity;doe'snt have to be extravagant ,even sometimes simplistic but beautiful.others well you we will say they hide.and to those who make hurtful comments remember that we are our brothers or sisters keeper,so you will be responsible for every idle and hurtfull word.we need to build up our breathern and mates in the lord not tear them down they already have enough battles without your hurtfulness as well so lets endeavour to be the family of love we where meant to be .I am far from the talented handsome ,suave person I would like to be but hey the lord can still use me and as Uncle Arthur always said "hey you all see mike here well if he can make it then you all definantly can "so take it from a"toilet"he can use you so"so what "about all the rest,to be used of christ the greatest accomplishment in the world.

change

why guys root for brazil

the fight.

I was sitting watching my son play t-ball outside todayand every once in a while he would hit it .But most of the time he would swing around in a circle and miss entirely ,but then he would get back out and try again.And I sat thinking to myself "why do I keep trying?"What keeps me going? that I keep picking myself up and trying again even though I fail so often? The obvious answer Is how much I love the lord>I could'nt make it without him.I want to truly say that I have found my greatest love in him,And for all of you out there who maybe are a little iffy on the loving jesus intimately;I am here to tell you It works.and if you are not doing it , you don't know what you are missing.Loving the lord for me is like everything I disire most,the passion,the love,the fullfilment,the disire for the one you love most rolled up and thrust like a bolt or powerful wave that washes over you ,completely encompassing me and escalating the feeling of complete satisfaction and extasy. and it never runs out .It never gets old, and my lover always has something new.who would not want to live for that ? people around the word disire what I have .To me that is amazing !there are many other things as well and that is just a part of it , But I want to know what keeps you going? what is it that makes you ,or helps you pull through when those battles come?the word is another one .so lets share the secrets of victory.

fixed

ok I finally did it , any and all can comment on my blog so thanks and look forward to hearing from you.

friends .

I have a question. In the interests of self betterment I want to ask.why is it hard for a guy like me to have friends? is it my personality? lack of communication skills? am I not a personable individual? I am open for all suggestions and other things I may have missed.for some reason I just don't have many friends while it seems others just I don't know others gravitate toward them . maybe it's unfixable but in the interest of trying Lets hear it. I want to know what you think.