ramblings of a soulful man

I know this may sound special or foreign to many of you, but in my case it is well its a too often occurance.well what are you talking about?you may say ; well I'll tell you .feeling alone. have you ever sat in a room and felt completely alone?well I have ,and let me tell you it's not fun ha.Im kinda the one where after a long time of knowing me you get to like me, eather I wear off on you or wear you down ha.anyhoo I have the lord so the rest is good , but this also means I usually have alot of time with my own thoughts, and today I was reading over the SGA seminar application form and on the bottom it says(pray and ask the lord if you should have dates at the seminar,and whats your guidelines etc) anyhoo I am sitting here thinking , ha snicker, no need ; it won't happen anyhoo ha.this may be a bit of a grim way to look at it but,honestly do you ever get the feeling when you talk to a attractive person and they say "oh I really judge how much I like a person on their personality",and you get the funny feeling personality means:18-23 ,single, really good looking and ripped,slim,purdy etc.so all of which I do not posses he he . so I content myself with knowing I am happy with the way the lord has me now(well I am working on the happiness)and be content to know that I will get to spend many evenings with my husband and lover.maybe I am just a little out of practice with the having close friends and affection thing,who can say , or maybe I am a little afraid of rejection who knows many reasons you could say for this and they may all be partially true. but at least for me ( and many may call me coward)that I see others and feel I don't measure up and don't want the embarrasment of the jokes I hear so many say behind my back when they think I can't hear. so I choose the less painful proceedure of being withdrawn,which has been good and bad. as it has taught me to be closer to the lord and lean more on his love, but at the same time feeling well......... wishfull of companionship for lack of a better term . and this being all encompassing, someone to talk to ,to have affection(not speaking of sex here)to understand and pray for you .to cuddle and love the lord with etc, do'es anyone else ever feel this way?I was boxing the other day and one of the ya girls in my home came out and read to me as I was boxing, and although its not quality word time. when someone takes the time to do something like that it means alot.more so than many other things because it shows friendship and a love for one another beyond sex or the flesh , but rather its the giving of a part of your life and to be there for someone. anyhow I am drifting but all to say I am thankful for the lord and those of my greater family who lay down their lives for each other to show love in every way each day.