happiness of life and love.

how many times have you felt down,hurt,struggling and then something happened.a loving word,a touch,love .I know that many times I have felt as if I was visting the"garden of gesemany "a little too often and the trials seemed to mount a little more every time.but the amazing thing that I have experienced is the miraculous love of the lord in those times.I have had a problem sleeping for a while now so my nights often are spent alone,in those times it seems the enemy fights the most,especialy when he knows you are at a low point or stressed .I was in such a state the other evening when,I just said "lord I need you " and the most beautiful thing happened: it was almost as if I felt the extasy and love of the lord wash through me.I had let go and he was able to work.now if you are like me letting go is hard to do,whether it be in a spiritual or mental state,I don't know why other that the inability or foolishness to just give over to our lover.altough the amazing thing is when we do the extasy,peace and love we recieve as a result are overwhelming, and we wonder why we did'nt do it earlier ha.recently I have been trying to make an effort to love the lord more in a intimate and expressive way.at first I had some hang-ups so I put the lord on the spot and told him I wanted that sign ,that wow feeling,and boy let me tell you be careful what you ask for,I was layind down listening to "expressions of extasy " and (if you have a wonderful imagination like me the lord can use it ha) suddenly I felt and could see my female spirit helper I have had for sometime,she kinda smiled at me and said'well I am your sign"wow wo ho you all say well it was all I can say is that the feeling of the love of the lord is greater and more satisfing than any other,but I drift it was almost as if i could see myself as the bride I yerned to be and understood that the love and feelings are the same,the male/female hang-ups mean nothing. The lord and intimacy of our husband is the essence; not the gender and if you get into the whys and wherefores of it you will miss out.anyhow I realized that that garden of gesemany could be the garden of intimate love that the lord speaks of if only I would yeild that little corner to him.I am far from perfect at this but I can say with certanty that as I let it become more of a habit and the more I enjoy it and the greater the extasies the lord brings. you will never be bored thats for sure.well I will end before I bore you ,so be happy in your life and love for the only one who will never disapoint.